i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
