Sacagawea was the original milf.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
