Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
