Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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