Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
