She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My vagina is officially offended.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
