we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
