Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
they're like a gay fantastic four
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
