She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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