my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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