Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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