All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
