I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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