So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
