i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
