Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
