And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
