remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
