I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
