I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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