There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
