I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
