are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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