I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
