i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
last night I used snow as a chaser
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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