Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
