I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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