I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
