if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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