I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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