Sorry, I don't speak sober.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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