we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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