Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My ATM looks so different sober.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
God, I missed his penis.
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