I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
ok first of all what the fuck
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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