We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
