textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
