spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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