i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
