You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
