She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
