something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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