Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
