ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
