if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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