Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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