I wish they made helmets for livers.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
