UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
