how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
