I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
