pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
