We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
