don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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