just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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