I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
